Did I say that out loud?

Thoughts and musings of a mom

49 Things to think about when going to the dentist

on April 23, 2014

Yesterday I went to the dentist for my semiannual checkup and cleaning. I LOVE going to the dentist about as much as, well, ah, er, well, I don’t know.

Because one can not talk throughout most of the visit, my mind tends to wander, as I’m sure yours does as well. The following is a list of random thoughts that may or may not have entered my mind today…

1) Hmmm, fluoride article from newspaper strategically placed in waiting room. Debate whether it is really a good idea to bring up this topic when he’s looking for tooth decay in your own mouth.
2) Remember these lead vests being a lot heavier when your were 10.
3) Realize you didn’t see the hygienist put a new bite thingy in the panoramic X-ray device.
4) Debate similarities between a panoramic X-ray and a mammogram.
5) Wonder why your hygienist goes around the corner when she takes your X-ray, but the hygienist in the office space diagonally across continues to sit there and work on her patient.
6) Consider the difference between a hygienist and an assistant. Which one is which? Debate which one should make more money.
7) Mentally add this to list of things to google.
8) Be amused that your new earring studs look like screws in your head in the X-ray.
9) Debate whether you should ask about the white spot in the X-ray on the right hand side of your nose.
10) Decide that it must be an empty nasal cavity.
11) Worry about why the hygienist (or whoever she is) sent you back to waiting room so the dentist could look over your X-rays.
12) Worry that the white spot in the X-ray must be a tumour.
13) Assume that the hygienist and the dentist are now debating the best way to break the news to you.
14) Realize that the guy sitting next to you now in the waiting room is sitting too close once two other people in your row leave.
15) Wonder if he is going to move over. Realize you can’t move as you are on a corner seat.
16) Hope the staff don’t think this man is with you, as they know he is definitely not your husband.
17) Continue to wonder if he is going to move over.
18) Have a sense of relief when you are called back to start your cleaning.
19) Realize that perhaps you have more plaque than you originally thought.
20) Wonder for the 50th time in your life who cleans these tools.
21) Wonder why you have never asked at some point in the first 49 times the thought crossed your mind.
22) Decide to brace yourself when the cold water hits some of your more sensitive teeth.
23) Believe that you are doing a good job of bracing yourself.
24) Wonder why she keeps telling you that you can tell her you are uncomfortable at any time throughout the cleaning.
25) Assume this is because you have an inoperable tumour and she is trying to make this as comfortable as possible for you.
26) Debate whether it is a tumour or maybe just a possible root canal job.
27) Decide that you will need a prescription for Ativan regardless.
28) Wonder if maybe you should just ask for a prescription from your family doctor anyways.
29) Wonder if maybe the dentist can’t tell you about your tumour and he needs to discuss it first with your GP.
30) Realize you forgot to check your nose before the appointment to determine whether there were any bats in the cave.
31) Wonder if she can tell you ate an entire chocolate bar right before your appointment.
32) Compare your hygienist to your piano teacher.
33) Become uncomfortably aware of the fact that you have no qualms about telling white lies to either one of them.
34) Debate telling the hygienist about the time you had gum surgery and there was blood everywhere.
35) Realize that “everywhere” might be a slight exaggeration.
36) Wonder how they clean these glasses they gave you.
37) Hope the last person who wore these didn’t have lice. Or a contagious tumour.
38) Remind yourself that their job is not easy. Who likes going to the dentist anyways?
39) Wonder if there are people who really like going to the dentist.
40) Wonder if every patient shuts their eyes as much as you do.
41) Debate whether there is a sociably acceptable ratio for keeping one’s eyes open versus closed.
42) Decide that she is spending too much time cleaning your teeth, and realize she is doing so because of the inoperable tumour in your nasal cavity and she wants you to look good for your own funeral.
43) Write mental note to self to show off your sparkling pearly whites during your own funeral.
44) Wonder why the dentist did not take you into another room to discuss your condition.
45) Realize that perhaps the white spot on your X-ray is probably just a root canal issue.
46) Breathe a sigh of relief that you have no less dental decay than 6 months ago, you do not need a root canal, nor do you have an inoperable tumour growing in your nasal cavity.
47) Silently groan that the hygienist only gave you a soft toothbrush, versus the extra soft one she gave you 6 months ago.
48) Wonder how long the toothbrush and dental floss will stay in your purse before you remember to take it out.
49) Debate whether you should ask the receptionist for a few free stickers because for that bill you deserve more than a dumb roll of dental floss.

Well, there you have it folks. It’s all good for another 6 months. Now to go book an appointment with my family doctor.

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