Did I say that out loud?

Thoughts and musings of a mom

My new blue purse

on July 9, 2014

My husband has been buying crap ham radio stuff off of eBay for several years now. He has had much success with it, and received many inexpensive items rather quickly. So late this spring, when I felt that I needed to update my purse for a more fashionable summer look, and after shopping throughout our little town for such an item, I turned to my husband’s standby, eBay.

I had been tugging around my winter’ish old black purse for a few years. It was big, and could carry many items in its several compartments making it sometimes difficult to locate just a simple lip balm. The purse needed its own legend, index or map. I needed something smaller, something springy, something blue.

When I went on eBay, I had a couple requirements. It had to have free shipping and be blue. I think I even put under $25 to be very strict and tight with my purse strings, so to speak. No brand names, no fake brand names, nothing of that sort on my new blue purse.

As a side note, did you know there are ten different kinds of purses out there? In my last ten years on this earth, I’ve known two different kinds of purses; a big purse and an even bigger diaper bag. In fact, the two could be interchangeable. Stick a Winnie-the-Pooh iron-on on my purse and you’ve got a somber looking diaper bag.

So after reducing the possibilities using the eBay handy dandy narrowing tools (I’m sure there is a more consumer-friendly name for this particular device, but anyhoo), I made my selection for the new blue purse that I would love, adore, and drag everywhere with me this summer. I ordered it. Ok, my husband did, but I did a lot of pointing at pictures on the computer screen over his shoulder.

Finally the day arrived. My new blue purse had landed at the post office and soon I would be toting my new blue purse everywhere. My shoulder was ready, as were the contents of my old purse, including my soon-to-be located lip balm. I was going to dazzle everyone with my new blue purse.

Purse 1

At first glance, this purse was terrific. It met my expectations (seasonable, blue, and not a diaper bag). But something was off. In fact, it was downright odd.

Purse 2

The purse was sealed at the very top of it. How was I supposed to get into it? I’m no engineer (or rocket scientist for that matter), but something was definitely not right about this purse.

Purse 3

Oh wait! There was a padlock on it. What I thought was a cute little decoration in the nice (and perhaps somewhat deceptive) eBay picture was an actual lock. My favourite expression, “You have got to be kidding!” was uttered a time or two. But alas! There was a key for the lock. A one-step-up-from-a-little-girl’s-diary-key was included (at no extra cost, fancy that).

Purse 4

So I unlocked the padlock, put it aside and continued to undo the side straps, one on each side of the purse. I couldn’t believe it.

Purse 5

So by this point in the game, shall we call it, I had unlocked one padlock, and unstrapped two side straps, and then I was ready to open my new blue purse.

Purse 6

You will notice that my new blue purse is empty in this picture above. It might be my summer vacation and all, but who in the name of time has the time to open up such a contraption on every occasion they want to go into their purse? Sure it might help curve spur of the moment impulse shopping decisions, but if that’s the case, leave your Visa at home in the freezer (thank you various women’s magazines circa 1998 for that hint).

Of course, some may ask, why did you not cut the top part of your purse so you could get into it in a fraction of a second? Like seriously, what can you actually do in a fraction of a second? It’s a purse, not a piñata. I couldn’t cut the thing.

But what if you lose that all important little key? Sorry I missed your call, I couldn’t get into my purse. What do you mean I can’t win the all-inclusive cruise to the Bahamas because I didn’t answer my phone in time? Seriously, child, do you really need a cough drop/money for the zoo/a pen/lip balm/your university tuition? Mommy can’t get into her purse right now and hasn’t been able to since 2014.

I’m just not so sure I can use this thing. I am sad to say. A purse going to waste.

But finally, just for a minute, imagine being mugged with that thing. Ah, sorry, thug, I can’t get into my purse. You see, there’s a lock on it. Could you pick it for me? And yeah, sir, when you get into my purse, could you hand me a 20? I’m going to Target. I need a new blue purse.

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