Did I say that out loud?

Thoughts and musings of a mom

Fill me

on August 8, 2014

I sat on the beach with my luggage propped up beside me. Each suitcase was carefully placed, snugly tucked together, just in case I felt I needed to add another one to the pile. I watched as the tide came in, sitting beyond it’s reach, never going near the water, fearful of being pulled into its ebb and flow.

Over the years, I had filled each suitcase with sand, hoping that no one would notice the uselessness of each package. The sand was almost comforting, always present, but yet, weighing me down.

I knew I would have to unpack each suitcase eventually. The water was advancing, coming closer. But I was unwilling to budge, perhaps even stuck.

I saw a man walk towards me. He was mindful of the rising tide, but had a steady eye on me and my luggage. I could tell he wasn’t there to judge me, but he somehow knew what I had in each suitcase. He wasn’t a tourist though, someone only there for a short visit.

And then he sat down beside me. I knew what he wanted without even speaking a word. He wanted me to unpack my suitcases, each and every one of them.

I told him that I couldn’t.

But he beckoned me to begin with just one. Slowly, as time passed, I realized, with his assistance, guidance and gentle persistence, that I was unzipping the suitcases, taking off the covers, the contents cascading onto the beach surrounding me.

As I came to each new suitcase though, I hesitated, and lowered my head. The exercise was tiring and time consuming. And hard. Bandages were being ripped off of old wounds.

I looked around me. Suitcases once stuffed full with jealousy, pride, slothfulness, insecurity, anxiety, rejection and anger were slowly spilling out. Time and time again, I tried to scoop some of the sand back into the suitcases, fearful of each package being completely emptied out, for all to see its bitter pieces. But time and time again, he took my hands and heart, patience written all over his face.

Gradually I realized that although my luggage was being depleted of its contents, my heart was filling. Peace, contentment, reassurance, and security enveloped me. The tide was lapping near our feet, but all was well with my soul.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
Isaiah 43:2a

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One response to “Fill me

  1. Krista says:

    Wow. This one brought tears to my eyes Christy! A great analogy! You are an awesome story teller!! Keep up the great work!! You can make me laugh and make me cry!! You need to write a book of short stories!!

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