Did I say that out loud?

Thoughts and musings of a mom

My heart will go on…

Dear John Pepsi,

I have loved you for so long.  I can hardly remember a time when I didn’t love you.  You have been with me through the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad, and of course, the downright ugly.  I will hold all of these memories so close to my heart.

But life brings with it many changes.  They tell me that I am the one who needs to make the changes in my life.  They say that I need to break it off with you, that I need to drink more water.  I tried to tell them that you give me energy.  I told them that I didn’t care about your reputation.  I was not afraid to be out in public with you.  I was not ashamed of our relationship.  They tell me that your sweetness will wear off, and that soon, I will see the truth of our relationship.

Perhaps ignorance has been the bliss of our relationship.

I have found us drifting apart lately though.  It’s not you.  It’s me.  I can’t change you, nor would I ever want to.  You are perfect in your own refreshingly, sweet way.  Please stay the same.

If you ever see me out in public, know that it is breaking my heart, but I need to avoid you. You may not see me in restaurants and convenience stores as much.  I may need to avoid your aisle in the grocery stores too.  It’s better that way for the both of us.  I’m not that strong.  I am weak.  You are my kryptonite.

You deserve to live your life, the life that was intended for you.

What I wouldn’t give to have you here, beside me, right now.  But it’s best that we cut this relationship between us off right now.

Maybe after the pain has lessened, we can hang out again from time to time.  I would like that.  But understand, it may be too much right now.

Sincerely,
C

P.S. If, under any circumstances, you ever see me with tomato juice though, know that something is wrong.  It will be a sign that I have joined a cult.  You can join forces with Coke, if necessary, and aid in my rescue.

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Dear Walmart

 

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123 Main Street
Somewhere Hot in July 
E1E 1O1

456 Main Street
Somewhere in Head Office Land
LOL LOL

A Very Hot Day in July, 2016

Dear Walmart,

Are you trying to kill me?

I know the early bird gets the worm, or in this case, the light blue duotang (which coincidently is not a real word according to Word and any other word processing program), but why do you insist on selling school supplies in July?  

My heart rate increases (ok, I admit the Heart and Stroke Foundation would probably like it to increase a bit from its current status, but this is not what they had in mind), I get all sweaty, my stomach lurches, and occasionally very bad words slip out of my mouth at the site of those pencils and paper.  Some years, I even throw up in my mouth.  Repeatedly.

Now if you camouflaged those scissors and rulers down in office supplies, where they rightfully belong, all would be well, or at least, excusable.  But no siree, you insist on placing them right out front, so there is no escaping their presence.  Yup, here’s your cart on your right and over here to your left is your brand new box of 64 crayons (which by the way, should be illegal, but that’s a whole other topic).

There should be a set beginning to the Back-to-School shopping season.  It could even be government regulated, just like hunting or fishing season.  And while we are on the topic, age restrictions would be good too (right up there with buying cigarettes and alcohol).  Here are the set days (I suggest the third week of August to the last week of September) and the age requirements (17+).  

Walmart, you could be a trend setter.  Picture it!  Keep the fans and air conditioners out front, along with the bubbles and pool supplies.  Let us live in our sunscreen and (pool) chemical(ly) induced vacation fantasy worlds a little longer.

Come on.  I’m not asking for rainbows and unicorns here, folks.  School is eventually going to begin. There’s no stopping it.  The leaves will change colour.  The air will grow cooler.  Pencils will be sharpened and zippers zippered.  But right now, while I’m dripping in sweat from some July pre-menopausal hot flash, I am not in the mood for buying school supplies.  My July pay check was meant for overpriced ice cream cones and slushies.  Sell the awesomeness of school supplies when it cooler outside, so we don’t have to try to convince our little ones that the polka dots on their light blue duotangs were made that way by the company, and not their mother’s sweat and tears dripping onto them in the shopping cart.

I am certain that we can come to a mutually agreed upon decision here.  If you are willing to meet with me to discuss this matter more fully, I can be found in the candy section of your store buying freezies at least once a week.  Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. 

And just so you know how serious this issue is, I am passing this letter along to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  Don’t be surprised if you hear from them too this year regarding the early starts to their seasons.

Sincerely, 

A melting-in-July mother of 2 and teacher of many more

cc:  Santa Claus
       Easter Bunny
 

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